A Diegio Maradonna – a very nasty five footer

A Salman Rushdie – an impossible read

A Rock Hudson – thought it was straight, but it wasn’t

A Cuban – needs one more revolution

An Elton John – a big bender that lips the rim

An Adolf Hitler – two shots in the bunker

A Yasser Arafat – ugly and in the sand

A Kate Winslett – a bit fat but otherwise perfect

A Kate Moss – bit thin

A Gerry Adams – playing a Provisional

A Rodney King – over-clubbed

An O. J. Simpson – got away with it

A Princess Grace – should have taken a driver

A Princess Di – shouldn’t have taken a driver

A Ladyboy – looks like an easy hole but all is not what it seems

An elephant’s arse – high and sh*tty

A condom – safe but didn’t feel real good

A circus tent – a BIG top

An Anna Kournikova – looks great, but unlikely to get a result

A Vinnie Jones – nasty kick when you’re not expecting it

A Ryanair – flies well but lands a long way from the target

A sister-in-law – up there but I know that I shouldn’t be

Freeway Golf wouldn’t be included in any list of Melbourne’s best public access courses, its a standard suburban public course, $25 for 18 holes. The course layout has been redesigned over the last few years, though I remember the Freeway fondly as one of the regular courses I used to play when learning this fine game. The daunting par 3 on the front nine across the lake was always a struggle, as was the drive from the 10th. I remember hitting one of the sweetest fairway woods ever hit at Freeway golf, the elderly lady in the group ahead wasnt too celebratory though as it bounced into her leg! There was also the rare sky hook on the 3rd hole that carried the massive fence onto the adjoining Freeway, and the anxious wait for the sound of ball on car rooftop!

Freeway golf has had increased competition from better suburban public access layouts such as Growling Frog, Kingston Links and Waterford Valley and unfortunately progress and land values look to have won the battle. If the rumour is true, I’ll have to play a final game at Freeway Golf and relive old times!

Dustin Johnson felt the full impact of the subjective definition of a bunker/hazard on the final hole at Whistling Straits during the PGA Championship. This is the shot that confronted Johnson after he had carved his drive right, into the gallery. An exposed dune, sand, grass trodden down by spectators. He played a solid recovery, eventually bogeying the hole to finish in a tie for the lead.

Rule officials however judged that he grounded his club in a hazard and incurred a two shot penalty knocking him out of the playoff. Johnson later said that he had no idea he was in a hazard. Which begs the question as to what is the difference between a sand trap, a waste bunker, exposed sand. This ‘hazard’ had people standing in it, the boundaries defining where it stops and the rough starts are subjective. Ive played lots of golf on Melbourne’s Mornington Peninsula, and there are plenty of lies in sandy waste areas such as this that Ive never defined as a hazard.

Rulings are rulings though and Johnson handled himself professionally. An even bigger drama was avoided though, should Johnson had finished outright winner and celebrated the win only to be told he had been penalised would have been a lot worse!

This definition is always going to be subjective, did the fact that all eyes were on him on his 72nd hole of a Major mean he was overly officiated? I bet he wasnt the only player on the weekend to ground his club in a waste area. This ‘hazard’ may not have existed earlier in the week and was created by foot traffic of the huge galleries. Golf can be a frustrating sport, the rules are meant to make it fair and less frustrating, yet something as subjective as this that leaves a pro perplexed needs to be looked at further by the R&A

What a ‘Major’ difference! The recent British Open was a bit of a yawn for some, mainly due to the dominant display and emphatic win by South Africa’s Oosthuizen. This weekends US PGA Championship at Whistling Straits on the other hand had a frantic final round, with numerous lead changes, great shots, recoveries, misses, a playoff, a gutsy winner and a major final hole drama.

Nick Watney started the day in front but dropped 7 shots on the front nine and wasnt heard from again, leaving it up to Martin Kaymer, Bubba Watson, Rory McIlroy, Zac Johnson, Dustin Johnson and the Elk! The final nine was a classic Major finish, a four way playoff didnt look out of the question and Elkington at one stage looked like he could be the second oldest Major winner ever. Alas he dropped shots on the final holes, Rory couldnt land a putt, Zac fell just short, and Dustin Johnson was dealt a cruel penalty for grounding his club in a ‘hazard’ (more on that later).

That left Bubba and Kaymer to fight out a 3 hole playoff, Kaymer kept his nerve as Bubba Watson made a mess of the tough 18th hole and became the first German since Bernhard Langher to win a Major. Kaymer played a great Championship avoiding mistakes and hitting some big clutch putts.

Whilst the pro’s pinpoint accuracy should remove about 957 bunkers from the equation, if the wind picks up it could get nasty. And this is the type of course that could reduce the club golfer into a sobbing feotal position with nightmares of being eaten by sand monsters.

Enough sand to wear out the grooves on the sand wedge

Vijay Singh won here in 2004, and the field is wide open. Tigers woes a well documented, though he seems to find an extra something in Majors. Lefty Phil should be the one the beat, and whilst he missed an opportunity last week to take the World #1 title from Woods, this could be the week. Would love to see Adam Scott up on top of the leaderboard coming into Sunday. Will the links style suit an Aussie win?

The 17th is the signature hole at Whistling Straits, named the “Pinched Nerve”

Luckily the driving range was still open, so we grabbed a couple of buckets and spent the next hour hitting balls on the range, and working on the short game. The Growling Frog has excellent practice facilities, a fully grassed range (none of this hitting off plastic mats!), plus two chipping greens, practice bunker and putting green. Sams driver was on song, nailing a couple down the middle, mine was good too, though the short game is still in its winter hibernation, hopefully this Summer it wakes up!

Not surprisingly, they have been able to generate a lot of media exposure along the way, this recent article in the New York Post is a good one, documenting their travels and the great courses they have played. It also quotes John Sabino, the Top 100 Golfer who I was lucky to play Kingston Links with earlier in the year, and was able to introduce to Jamie and Mike. John hosted the guys in New York, sharing a common bond of the love of golf, and the slightly crazy aspirations and dreams that golfers have worldwide.

Great article on Jamie and Mikes odyssey

Congratulations Stuart Appleby on becoming the 5th player in PGA Tour history to card a 59. Appleby joins Al Geiberger in 1977, Chip Beck in 1991, David Duval in 1999 and Paul Goydos, three weeks ago, in the 59 Club.

The amazing scoreline including 9 birdies and an eagle, also importantly gave Appleby a one shot victory in the Greenbrier Classic.

How is this for a scorecard:

Hole 1, par 4 – 4 Hole 2, par 4 – 3 Hole 3, par 3 – 3 Hole 4, par 4 – 3 Hole 5, par 4 – 3 Hole 6, par 4 – 3 Hole 7, par 4 – 3 Hole 8, par 3 – 3 Hole 9, par 4 – 3 Front nine (par 34) – 28

Hole 10, par 4 – 4 Hole 11, par 4 – 4 Hole 12, par 5 – 3 Hole 13, par 4 – 4 Hole 14, par 4 – 4 Hole 15, par 3 – 3 Hole 16, par 4 – 3 Hole 17, par 5 – 4 Hole 18, par 3 – 2 Back nine (par 36) – 31

Total (par 70) – 59

South African Louis Oosthuizen was dominant in the 2010 British Open, he clearly handled the conditions and St Andrews course the best over the four days. Ooose won by 7 shots from Lee Westwood, and Rory McIlroy who will regret his shocker of a 2nd round. While it was a fine display of skill from the little known Oosthuizen and a major win, ratings and media coverage for the Open fell away as the lead grew. Unfortunately, a dominant sporting win can be boring. But this shouldnt take anything away from Oosthuizen, a seven shot win in a major is rare, just not as exciting as a duel down the 18th!

If I went around 18 holes with a score that was three times my age Id probably give the game away for a while! Rory McIlroy did just that today in the first round of the British Open at St Andrews, but he is only 21 and shot a remarkable 63. Other notable mentions include twitter favourite, John Daley on 6 under, and Tiger doing nicely on -5. Woods opened with a 66 at St Andrews in 2005 and went on to win comfortably, a lot has happened since then!

The early starters have had the better of the conditions, with afternoon winds likely to restrict the low scoring.

Check out all the live scoring at http://www.opengolf.com/